Missing him

I've been having a rough couple of days, and decided to write something to
sort of get my feelings out. This is what came out of it. I hope it reaches out
to some of you who need it as much as I do.

There goes my life

No sleep tonight

How many hearts will die tonight?

Will I survive?

Missing you when you’re gone

Anxious when you’re here

The time has come to take you away

But, you’re ghost still sings in the air

Afraid of the empty rocking chair

Scared of missing a moment

Have all my stories been lived

Will your heart still race for me when they have?

Would you still stand by my side?

Eternity is closing in

Out of reach

This was never what you wanted

This was never what I wanted

Missing out on you

I fall, I fall, I fall, I fall

I falter

Bullied?

Mean Girls. Clueless. Cinderella Story. Princess Diairies.

All those girly little cliche movies with the same premise. Bitchy highschool girls and/or boys ruining the lives of the "nerdy" kids. Going far out of their way to put up embarassing pictures of them, publicly humiliate them, and ofcourse ruining their chances at happiness with that sexy popular football player.

My highschool was never like that. Am I the only one that feels this way? I mean, sure, we all weren't friends and besties, but we didnt treat eachother like crap.

Yes, there were those girls that made snide remarks under thier breathe, but they were always too chicken to say it loud enough for you to make a comeback. They never went out of their way to post rude pictures, cyber bully, or push you off a sad warped wooden auditorium stage. I don't think that happened to anyone in my highschool.

I couldn't even imagine that happening in Papillion. We are nice people, farm folk, simple (not the brain kind, the lifestyle kind).

Did this happen at your highschool? Were you a bully? The bullied?

Aren't we all just extremely happy that highschool is over anyway?

Ohhhh Gregory Peck

Today I started my second job! I am so excited to have a second job! So much money...

Money Money Money Money.... MONEY!

The bartender was the first to greet me,
"Hello. What's your name?" He asked
"Dallas." I replied.
"That sounds like a strippers name." He commnted.
".... Umm.... thanks?" I cocked my head.
"No problem."
"I don't know quite how to take that." I added.
"Oh...."  he looked me up and down, "You definitely have potential to be a stripper."



Chivalry is dead. Sorry to be the one to break it to you. But, alas it is true.
Opening doors and paying for first dates is gone with the wind. And do you know whose fault it is?

Yours! (I am speaking to my female readers) Yes. Women this is your fault. I mean men are a very
large part of it... but women this is your fault. Your desire to be independent, self sufficient, and self relient
is the cause of the loss of our chivalrous men. You smushed down their desire to rescue their damsel in distress
in the tower. Ok Ok.. It's not you you you. It's we we we. It's my fault too. I am a part of the female race, and yes I want to be the leader of a high corporation, but I miss the chilvalrous men.

Being told I have potential to be a stripper is not my ideal way of being swooned. Grabbing my boob and laughing is not humorous. And honking your horn in my driveway to tell me that you are here is not gentlemanly.
What happened to first kisses, not this stupid new "Want to come up to my place?" kind of kiss. The sweet little peck at the end of a date.

Open my door, hold my hand, softly kiss me at the end of the night, and promise me you will call tomorrow. I want to be Molly Ringwald or Audrey Hepburn.

Bring back the chivalry ladies and gentleman!

Awkward Turtle

First dates are the most awkward experience ever.

First, is the initial contact. Should the guy come up to the door and knock? Do you meet at the place of your date? Regardless of how you get into the same room, the first thirty seconds make you want to kill yourself they are so awkward.

The part hug/ part handshake/ part kiss on the cheek greeting. And after recovering from the initial meeting, then comes the deciding of where the actual date will take place. Do you want to have the dinner date where you struggle for conversation or the movie date where you have no idea where to put your hands or legs? I would much rather go to a park, or a cemetary, or at theme park, or something exciting so I don't have to worry about what to do with my hands, and there are conversation starters all around. But, if you do go to a park you have the issue of holding hands. Walking side by side, and your hands gently rub against one another. Do you grab the others hand?

And for the love of God the drive home is awful! You both know that this is the time... the time that could possibly the first kiss. You are both thinking about it, you both know the other is thinking about it. And yet you are trying to keep the conversation going, about the weather and the sky and the music on the radio.

The car stops. The engine turns off. Do you look at eachother? Do you stare at your lap?

You are at the door step, looking at eachother. And then comes another question, Three second kiss? Quick makeout? Tongue?

The firsts of all dating are the worst. But, then comes the good stuff.

 The first "I love you" makes your stomach flip over and have a seizure.

Having someone there for you all the time, never have to worry about being alone on a weekend.

Being comfortable with another human being that isn't your family, or best friends.

So, suck it up my little dinosaurs, get through the tough stuff and the good stuff will surely follow.

Let life come to you.

I rove you!

I Feel Bad that I Don't Feel Bad

Yes, that is a Rascal Flatts song, and no I normally don't enjoy country music.

What's that one saying... too much of a good thing isn't a good thing? Frick. I can't remember it... Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing? Yes. I think thats it.

Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Like Candy.

I don't know if I am the only person that feels this way, I am sure there are other people out there like me. But, you know how candy is delicious, but if you have too much of it the candy doesn't taste very good anymore. I feel like that's how my life is. I can not handle alot of candy. (This is an analogy, I actually love chocolate, especially MnM's. Feel free to send me some. Nom Nom Nom.)

I love my friends, and family, and other loved ones. I love them more than anything in the entire world (besides G-Man upstairs). I would do absoutely anything for anyone of them. But, if I spend around three staight days with them. I am out of there. It's too much of one thing, I need to spread those wings and experience something else for a few days. I love them, but after three days that sugar is tasting pretty bad.

That freckle to the left of her eye annoys the crap out of me. The way he sniffs makes me want to punch a baby. And don't even get me started on the way that earlobe quivers when a breeze hits it at just the right angle.

But, alas after a few days I am ready for those delicious gummy bears and skittle sweets. Am I the only one that has this problem? I love my friends, family, and other loved ones, but I just need.... "me time" I guess.

Hmmm.... Deep intellectual thoughts.

Dream Faces (It's Dream fasay! Scrubs... anyone? No? Ok.)

It's Thursday Thursday Thursday! Gotta get down on Thursday! (Disco dance)

Yes. That is a picture of me and my Obama cardboard cut out disco-ing to my Thursday song.

Anyhoozles at a recent lunch I had with a few friends, the topic of dreams came up. And just so you are all up to speed, I have the most intense, vivid, wild, crazy dreams of all human history (and no, that is not an exaggeration). So, I was telling my friends about my dream, when  my roommate stopped me and told me quite an interesting fact about dreams. Did you know that your mind does not have the capacity to create a new face? So, when you are dreaming and you see someone with a face, you have seen that person before somewhere, even if it were a brief encounter in a Walmart checkout line. And that's why in a lot of peoples dreams, everyone is faceless.

Isn't that the most interesting thing you have ever heard!? So, the question becomes... How many strangers dreams have you been in? Creepy thought, I am aware.

So, after hearing this fun fact, I wanted to do some more research about dreams. And I found some very interesting facts! Here are a few for you...

Did you know...?

That blind people dream? I wonder what their dreams are like, especially if they were born blind. They have never seen a horse or an ocean. I wonder if they look different from people who can see's dreams. If you know someone who is blind. Let me know, cause that would be an awesome thing to learn.

Not everybody dreams in color? Something between 10-15% of people can only dream in black and white. That would be my dream (no pun intended). It would be like living in a black and white movie. Audrey Hepburn here I come!

During REM (rapid eye movement) state of your sleep. You have partial body paralysis. Your brain secretes a hormone for temporary paralysis, so that you do not act out what is happening in your dreams. If you are woken up during this period, you may have a feeling of paralysis for up to ten seconds! That would be terrifyng.

I love my dreams, and some of them are so interesting that I write them down, so as not to forget them. That is usually where I come up with my writing ideas.... speaking of... I need some new ones of those...

I think I'll go take a nap.

Zzzzzzz

Potatoes and Rangoons

Om Nom Nom.

So, for those of you who aren't aware of the situation, I am having a bit of a thyroid issue. I may or may not have cancerous, but you know what? I don't really care whether or not I do have it, because I have to have surgery to take it out either way. So who really cares.

Anyhoozles, so after I have Ms. Thyroid (yes she is unwed) removed, and sitting in a jar on my bedside table, I will actually have to watch what I eat, because a she (my thyroid) helps regulate your weight and hormones. And I definitely do not watch what I eat as of now. And I am going to eat as much as I possibly can before she is gone.

Lately I have been craving extremely odd combinations of food. Crab rangoons, cheesy fiesta potatoes from Taco Bell, and mint chocolate ice cream have been holding my attention lately. Speaking of... I have a bit of crab rangoon headed my direction by a sweet little asian man in a small red car as we speak. *droooool

Oh Lord, I cannot wait. I had a biopsy earlier this week... that was unpleasent. Who would have thunk that a foot long needle inserted in your esophagus would be unpleasent? Straaaaaange. Haha

So surgery soon, hopefully after finals week and move in day... cause thats a lot of shinanigans. Am I rambling? I tend to do that. I also tend to wear different colored socks... sometimes shoes... sometimes i even forget to wear shoes at all!

Ding Dong

gasp*

Chinese!!!! Gotta go! Have a nice week!